Wisconsin Republicans run/lose in Democratic primary
July 15, 2011
As Wisconsin swarms with debate about local unions, Republicans and Democrats are in the usual position- at each others’ throats. That is, until 6 ultra-conservatives abruptly switched sides. No, I don’t mean they changed their minds on any issues; they’d be considered flip-floppers. They ran for office in the Democratic primaries, paid some out-of-work union guys to chant their names (without throwing eggs or fruit) and hid next to some lesbians. In a strange twist of fate, a nearby bus of 6 year-olds foiled their disguises. One boy pointed at fake Democrat, Issac Weix, exclaiming, “Isn’t that the man who tried to close our school?!”All the kids began clapping and cheering.
The idea was simple and brilliant; trick enough Democrats into voting for the disguised Republicans to effectively stall the elections. Then crush the unions with an iron foot… Democrats, the infallible logic states, aren’t educated or paying enough attention to notice an ultra-conservative free market candidate on the ballot. Especially considering every single one of them is a free-loving socialist illiterate trying to live off ‘real Americans’ hard earned money. Additionally the fake Democrats had the benefit of historical firsts; for (maybe) the first time in Wisconsin history maybe the first time in the history of the Universe EVER, Republicans volunteered for Democrats’ campaigns (albeit fake). It would’ve been great, except for those dratted Kindergarteners!
Once Democrats managed to look up from their bongs, they realized, “Wow, those kids are right! Those aren’t Democrats, after all.” Someone tested the theory with a curveball. “So if a small business owner wanted to help some impoverished gay union workers. . .” asked one of the ne’er-do wells, a grandmotherly woman holding a ziplock bag containing what smelled like a cat food sandwich. Poor Weix (and other 5); despite a fast attempt to cover each others’ mouths before any words came out, the rhetoric was too automatic, too well rehearsed. “Poor people!” one balked.”Gay people should be deported,” another fake Democrat called out. “Unions are a socialist ploy,” Weix added. “At my hardware store, real people…” He trailed off, but clearly the damage was irreparable.
All the fake Democrats lost, most of them by a wide margin. . .
* * * Only exaggerated a little, actually * * *
Why Uncle Sam should Pay for Birth Control
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