Well, to make a long story short, after Summer DiVino hung up with Pastor Johnny she drove to the radio station to politely ask them to quit playing Perry's song. I know this because she called me while driving there.
"Shut up and listen. I need to get me the address to KDOT. Hurry, I'm just getting off the freeway."
I look up and read the address. I'm curious... I ask, "What's going on?"
"That lezbo bitch Katie Perry has made it so I can no longer listen to what used to be my favorite radio station. Pastor Johnny says I can no longer listen to that or other contemporary music stations that play that kind of immoral music. I have to go...I'll call you later."
"But Summer..." My phone emits a beep that signals either a dropped or terminated call.
Summer, it turns out, was so charming and polite with the radio station's program manager she was detained by station security and eventually held on a 72 hour psyche eval at a local hospital.
After pushing 300cc's of Thorazine the good doctors and nurses knew they would not be able to bring Summer out of what they termed "a severe manic episode". A young intern was reported to have quipped "I bet she's been rummaging through Barry Bond's garbage" and his supervisor to have replied "don't be fucking silly Barry Bond's doesn't even live here."
"Oh" the intern replied as he continued tightening Summer's wrists straps. His boss, a gentle elderly female nurse practitioner continued to soothingly stroke Summer's hair cooing "There there now, calm down everything is going to be okay."
What happened next is anybody's guess but Summer is reported to have shot straight up, screamed "Get your filthy hands off me you ugly lesbian sow!" wrenched her head around 90 degrees and projectile vomited. She continued talking to the supervisor through clenched green teeth hissing "Jesus loves you you sick lesbo bitch, it's the rest of us who fucking hate you I am legion!" The Supervisor smiled knowingly and ordered Summer be given a sustained release 25 mg/mL Prolixin Decanoate injection intended to last weeks. She then released Summer to the rec room to watch tv or participate in arts and crafts. Other reports from sources that can't be counted upon to be totally reliable also have Summer turning around suddenly, extending her 5 inch tongue and "slurping" the elderly female nurse practitioner's latex gloved hand. Contemporaneously, another young intern in the nurses cage turned on an mp3 of the beginning of the first side of MikeOldfield's Tubular Bells, hoping that its soothing repetitive tone would have a calming affect on the ward. At this point the "dissident" reports have Summer levitating from the gurney.
These same reports go on to say Summer had an allergic reaction to the latex and that both her tongue and her face became swollen and round as though she had just swallowed polyjuice potion. After Summer recovered enough to make her way to the overly cheerful rec room, the elderly nurse practitioner, whom it turns out was lesbian grabbed some popcorn and took up a strategic spot from inside the nurses cage where she could watch with ease as Summer drooled on her pale pink paper smock.. The nurse practitioner beamed through the clear polished formica window. Her smile glowered down on the rec room like a lighthouse beacon scathing stormy seas.
It was this precise moment that triggered a crazy weird sequence of events that led Summer to wealth exceeding her wildest dreams. Summer, whose downcast eyes followed the long string of dribble that extended down her pale blue face to her pale blue paper slippers, shook herself hard, as if out of a deep reverie and fixed her eyes on the overhead flat screen tv. Her face became intense and focused. She took measured soft breaths and her ample bust rose and then fell in a gentle regular rhythm like the ocean tides.
The overhead flat screen was tuned to PBS which was, at that exact moment, airing the Nova Special: "Parallel Worlds, Parallel Lives", a show about Hugh Everett III and his now famous quantum theory of multiple universes. Behind the facade of sublime quiescence and calm, Summer's beady mind was turning faster than a Pratt & Whitney J58 jet engine at takeoff. Summer DiVino disdains work of any kind and is supported by her parents, both of whom are Psychiatrists. They are wealthy and could afford to put Summer up in style. But, more than once, their wild child daughter has done things with money they generously doled out to her that have left them in hock up to their eyeballs with legal bills and bail bonds. So, Summer lived off a small spendthrift trust and food stamps. Summer however collected food stamp benefits not only under her own identity, but under two additional stolen identities. She, her baby daughter and her juvie delinquint son therefore received enough food stamps to feed a family of nine. Watching the Hugh Everett Nova special and with her new found understanding of Everett's theory of multiple universes, Summer had, found at last, a way to escape her artificially imposed poverty. It occurred to Summer that in another universe lurked an almost exact copy of her that was altruistic, generous, empathetic, kind, affectionate; in short all the things Summer is not. It also occurred to Summer that this other "Altruistic Summer" could be pressed into working and earning money on Summer's behalf. Within 48 hours she was gone from the Ward. No one has any idea how she got out or where she went. But I know.
The details of Summer's escape from one of the most secure locked psychiatric wards in the city are not important. It is her destination that concerns us, dear reader. Summer, upon leaving the hospital, jacked a car in the hospital's parking lot and drove, non-stop to Palmdale, California, home of Lockheed's famed "Skunk Works". She wore a diaper she grabbed off a cart at the hospital. In Palmdale she hooked up with Everett's successor and after a whirlwind three week fling, she managed to wheedle out of the young pimple faced geek scientist and world renown prodigy, the location of Skunk Works Multiverse Gun (aka the SWMG-666 Prototype). And the rest is history. Summer was able to use the gun to bring her doppelganger altruistic twin from the other universe and immediately put her to work in this universe. "Altruistic Summer" was put to work by her evil twin wearing a sandwich board for a tobacco shop on State Street in the 105 degree heat. It was during this short and extremely provident stint as a sandwich board sign carrier that a philanthropic Hollywood producer type, discovered Summer's altruistic twin standing on the blistering sidewalk. Altruistic Summer, at the philanthropist's insistent request, relayed how she had come from a broken family (not physicians), lived in and then became a fugitive from foster care, how she had educated herself and obtained her GED before her 17th birthday despite having a premature baby less than a year earlier, how she persevered, got married to a wonderful man and shortly thereafter gave birth to a lovely girl. Altruistic Summer, as it turned out, worked three or four jobs to supplement her husband's income and provide her family of four with a beautiful little house in a quiet and restful neighborhood. She did everything from clean newly constructed houses to selling glow sticks at the park during firework events. The philanthropist swore he heard strings of Ava Maria or the glossolalia of Dead Can Dance in Sanvean as Summer bravely described her difficult but ultimately successful life. He offered Altruistic Summer $1 million but quickly retracted the offer and offered her $5 million to tell her life story after she declined the $1 million and suggested to the philanthropist that he just give her $100,000 instead. It was only after the man cried, cajoled, pleaded, sobbed and finally demanded, that "Altruistic Summer" relented and agreed to take the Hollywood Philanthropist's money.
Altruistic Summer was so moved by Summer DiVino's desperate circumstances and abject poverty she offered to give Summer 4.9 of the $5 Million. Summer countered with the suggestion that she take all $5 million and promptly dispatched Altruistic Summer back to her own universe with only the clothes on her back. Summer lost the Multiverse Gun, the SWMG-666 Prototype as it were, in a murky surreal sequence of events that, according to Summer, culminated in her being probed posteriorly by some "real icky little gray guys" aboard a squishy alien craft of indeterminate size and shape.
As far as anyone knows Altruistic Summer is still working away in her universe with strings of Ava Maria or Sanvean emanating from her, and living with her perfect, beautiful family in a modest, sedate, tree lined neighborhood where the children run free, where baseball games are played every Saturday, and the parents don't fight.