Cage Match: Michelle Bachmann vs. Lawrence O'Donnell
From Michelle Bachmann’s via Facebook:
“According to our friends at MSNBC, if you're white-then somehow you must be ignorant! And they wonder why they continually lose the ratings war?” (Of Lawrence O’Donnell 3/13/11 MSNBC)
Fair enough…According to Tea Party darling, Michelle Bachmann, voters in her district are being unfairly judged by MSNBC’s Lawrence O’Donnell —judged for the color of their (white) skin instead of their collective intelligence. Ironically, this scrutiny against white voters comes from a white guy, even from a white network! It doesn’t add up… unless, perhaps there was some mistake?
Turns out, O’Donnell’s whiteguy-hating was actually a Bachmann blunder. You see, he did not say (as Bachmann suggests) that Bachmann’s district is ignorant because they are white (or black or rainbow with zebra stripes.)
Maybe I heard wrong? My husband would agree I’m a bad listener. After eons of marriage, his voice fades into the household background like my neighbor’s talk-radio. He’s home a lot now, with a sniffly case of that ‘republicans-offshored-my-job’ bug that’s been going around lately. We gotta get a pill for that. A little blue pill like the one for grandma. . .
I digress. Instead of entering exhausted from arduous kissing of bankers asses, grunting “hullo. . . food.. . . TV” when he trudges inside, like a hardworking real American, he's lost his passion for even the little luxuries he used to cherish. No Tevo on the big screen, star stalking, drowning his workday under a gallon of beer or even paintballing hobos. No, he wants to read (news, not gossip) and (even worse) discuss current events. "Shhhh. . . Honey. This liberal whats-his-name is about to git hit by the Tea Party train! Quick, Fox is saying she just might slap some constitution into him!"
He wanders in, turns off the TV, and points to the window. "It's a nice day for a hike."
I flip the remote, muttering under my breath, "Great. . . now you're a tree-hugging . . ." I trail off and flip back to MSNBC.
Did I miss it? For a moment it seemed like Bachmann was wrong? That can’t be right; Ms. ‘I home taught my kids cause I’m smarter than school’ couldn’t have missed the main idea, right?
Let’s double check the sound reel. Follow along if you like…
HOLY SMOKES!!! O’Donnell didn’t, in this age of political correctness, suggest that ‘white guys are ignorant,’ did he? Did he!!?? Nope, he didn’t. Sorry.
O’Donnell video synopsis:
“Bachmann is idiotic. . . But her district has to be even dumber. After all, they elected someone so completely batty and stupid. Is it because they’re whiter than other districts? Nope, other districts are just as white and they elected someone with a fully-functioning brain. Is it ‘cause they’re wealthier or poorer? Nope again, another district (equally affluen), elected somebody smart. So, what gives, Michelle Bachmann’s district?” He concludes that they just have no excuse; they are ignorant for no apparent reason.
Well, it sounded like the main idea was, “your base is ignorant,” not, “white guys suck!” Darn! I was salivating too, and microwaving popcorn. Because the only thing better than a facebook catfight between politician and pundit would be a live PPV cage match… underwater!
But I get where Bachmann’s (can I call her Shellie?) coming from. The white racism angle is fresh; it hasn’t been overdone like ~yawn~ black racism or gay-bashing. Listen to Mel Gibson ramble for any given half hour and you’ve got enough Jew/black/gay hate to write the tolerance handbook. Black-hating is out and old news won’t spike your page count.
When car alarms came out . . . somebody heard that obnoxious siren, and everybody peeked out outside to catch the carjacker red-handed Now, a couple of teenage quarterbacks could hoist your car, alarm blaring, onto their steroid built shoulders, walk it past the Police Department and nobody would even blink. . . except maybe a desperate housewife . So when you’re trying to get national attention and you’re the first finger pointing to the only white guy who might be bashing white-guys, baby the stage is all yours! It doesn’t matter that it isn’t accurate. Ask Fox News; it’s all about grabbing headlines!
Then again, she’s already lavished with attention, what with butchering several speeches with faulty colonial references. Dude, it’s an easy mistake because history is really boring. I get it; I, too, slept through American history. Let’s not get tangled in the details, keyword timeline please: befriending Indians, turkey party, tea party, fireworks, victory party, (the founding fathers’ partied a lot) de-friending Indians, and facebook— enough said. American history in a sentence; was that so hard, Brain-o-crat? All that other Star-Spangly stuff is just book filling, tree wasting liberal filler. Everybody was having a patriotic, Tea-Partying blasty-blast and then all of a sudden . . .rrrrcchhhttttt! The music comes to an abrupt halt and everybody looks at the historian, who (while pushing up her nerd glasses) looks down at her shoes and mumbles, “Um… Lexington’s is actually in [fill in location here]” The crowd shrugs a collective “Who fu**ing cares, book-nerd,” slams her in a locker and goes back to the party. This wedgie was patriotically brought to you by Tea Party, U.S. of A! All this to say, she probably wasn’t chasing media headlines and page views; if politics were high-school, MSNBC would be chess club, publicly insulting the TP while secretly praying for a facebook invite.
Maybe instead of attention grabbing, she misunderstood O’Donnell’s meaning? But who wouldn’t? Glenn Beck at least has the decency to plot his points on a chalkboard, pointing back to his meaning as he teeters into ranting (or we dozed off mid-speech). O’Donnell threw around a ton of big words, tossed ‘ignorant’ and ‘white people’ in a sentence together, and then followed up with more really big and boring words. No chalkboard; not even a whiteboard. That’s the thing about the left; they won’t give you just the cliff notes, you’ve gotta follow along their winding maze, jumping through annoyances like facts to arrive at the point. Then they toss in something awesome like, ‘Obama scandal,’ ‘deport Dora,’ ‘white guys suck’ or some other juicy sound-byte, and WHAM-O! It’s about time, MSNBC, the real scoop! You have my attention.
So maybe the whole, “Bachmann base has no brain” line just swooped over her head while she was googling, “American History for dummies,” or posting “help wanted: Christian speechwriter (must show birth certificate)” on Craigslist.
Floating these theories around, I realize I’ve tiptoed around the sinister but obvious likelihood; Shellie played the race card to discredit O’Donnell’s criticism. Such is the tragedy in politics; we’ll welcome brainlessness over menace. We’re that young child who big sister convinced to slingshot stones at the neighbor’s window, whispering, "The widow is a witch who eats children." We stare with wide eyed innocence, even defiance, as officer so-and-so wags his finger at Sister Shelly, chiding, “You ought to know better.” Fact is, even if you don’t completely buy your sister’s ‘ghost story,’ you know with earnest certainty, she would never mislead you on purpose.
So when Bachmann points and gasps, “Ooooo… someone wrote gullible on the ceiling,” we innocently glance up.
Like that miscreant adolescent sister, Michelle Bachmann wants to convince us to throw stones at that audacious pundit who dare point and laugh as she fumbles her facts. "He's a racist, who eats white babies," she whispers passing a fist-sized marble to the fan base. "
Michelle Bachmann stands for the proposition that you can get it wrong and still get it right as long as you keep repeating the wrong thing over and over again. Matt Taibbi has written a hilarious rant in Rolling Stone's political section entitled Michele Bachmann's Holy War. .
Read the Full Story here. . .
“Look I need you to make nice with Michele Bachmann. Call her and tell her you're sorry.”
“Huh? Why...?” I whine into the phone.
Now she sighs, “Oh my god you are such an imbecile, and why are you still asking questions? I told you I have a witch on my block. What do I do? Get some of the neighbors together and stone her? Can we tie a rock to her; if she sinks and drowns, we give her a christian burial? If she doesn't sink, are we legally able to burn her at the stake, and if not, can Michelle possibly pass some legislation?"
“Well Summer,” I say, stalling for time, “Ummm, I think you at least have to get a permit to have an open fire within city limits.”
Read more. . .