$2 a gallon and other zany Bachmann promises

08/23/2011

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 Michele Bachmann has a new promise to American voters this week: saving money on gas. In this new vow, she hinted blame at Obama for high gas prices and promised to lower the cost of gasoline.

“The price of gasoline the day that Barack Obama took office was $1.79 a gallon,” the Minnesota congresswoman said during an interview on America’s Morning News radio program. “If the price of gasoline was $1.79 a gallon just two and three years ago, certainly we can get it back down to that level again. Why wouldn’t we be able to do that? We’re a ‘can-do’ America.”

But before we grab our pitchforks and carpool down to attack Obama, remember 2008? John McCain and Barrack Obama visited the same topic, a response to gasoline soaring over $4.50 while Bush was in office. But it’s not Bush’s fault either, except perhaps for a distinct distaste of sustainable energy policy.

The president has little control over gas prices, or even gas taxes. Gas prices are controlled by the global market’s crude oil prices. A lot of factors go into the cost, most of which are out of Washington’s hands. These include: natural disasters, demand, supply, shipwrecks, oil spills. Maybe Bachmann has a pact with God? At best, a president could increase supply by, say, waging war on a country with rich oil reserves (Iraq maybe). Or they could drill in the U.S. But even if we started drilling today, consumers wouldn’t notice any difference at the pump for the next several years, if at all.

She’s been mum on how exactly she’s going to follow through on $2 gas, adding to the list of how-to’s she’s been silent on. Other bizarre campaign promises include:


  • The marriage vow: Promises to (among other things) ban porn, gays, and gay porn.
  • No teleprompters or czars: Uh, ok. Good thing too, because teleprompters and czars are ruining the. . . um…
  • A border fence: Nobody on the other side of the border owns a ladder? Bolt cutters? A shovel to tunnel under? Or maybe she meant a high tech fence (with motion sensors and heat detection)… installed and maintained across nearly 2,000 miles of terrain. Clearly, Bachmann has never been fence shopping…
  • Waterloo: Unwittingly vows to embody the spirit of a dead serial killer when she mixes John Wayne (actor) with John Wayne Gacy (a serial killer.)

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Michele Bachmann's strange paradigm; oil and madness

08/02/2011

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Michele Bachmann stands for the proposition that you can get it wrong and still get it right as long as you keep repeating the same wrong thing over and over again. Matt Taibbi has written a hilarious rant in Rolling Stone's political section entitled Michele Bachmann's Holy War and he does a brilliant job proving this point. Taibbi describes how Bachmann proposed an amendment to Minnesota's Constitution to make same sex unions illegal, even though the Minnesota legislature had already passed a law barring same sex unions. Taibbi argues this episode was "classic Bachmann" and goes on to assert that Bachmann's political strategy during her political career "has mostly revolved around having her Little House on the Never-Existed Fundamentalist Prairie sensibilities rocked by something she has read (or misread) in the news, then immediately proposing a horseshit, total-waste-of-­everybody's-time legislative action in response."  Many pundits have criticized Taibbi's article, but it clearly stands out as the most awesome example of a journalist jumping a politician's shit since Hunter Thompson ragged on Nixon in Fear and Loathing on the Campaign Trail '72'.  
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Bachmann, Santorum and the Marriage Pledge

07/11/2011

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It was no surprise when presidential hopefuls, Michele Bachmann and Rick Santorum signed a pledge vowing to “protect families.” Both Republicans have  track records opposing gay marriage, civil unions and abortion. Both are outspoken in their support for ‘families’ rights.’ Each contend that allowing homosexual unions could jeopardize traditional marriages. This pledge, however, makes even typically conservative ‘family friendly’ positions look soft. 

Candidates vow in the pledge to rally (among other things): against pornograhy, to uphold Jewish and Christian marriage traditions, and require an 8 month “cooling off period” before a divorce. Even more astonishing, they agree to maintain specific beliefs, and accept particular assertions as fact. However the most insensitive statement and absurd lapse of good sense occurs in the group’s opening bullet; that African Americans were better off as slaves, because at least the children were raised by two-parent households (though they ignore parts of history where those families were mistreated and separated at their master’s whim, as well as every other sexual indignation.) After public outcry, that reference has been since removed. But it turns out, Bachmann and Santorum didn’t mean to sign the racist part (that was oversight); just the homophobic and ultra-religious, and 1st Amendment restricting parts. 

Just so we’re clear, when you see bold commentary, that’s me jumping in with a WTF… You can read the full document without my commentary at The Family Leader’s website.
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Cage match: Lawrence O'Donnell vs. Michele Bachmann

05/02/2011

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-Summer DiVino

From Michelle Bachmann’s via Facebook:
 “According to our friends at MSNBC, if you're white-then somehow you must be ignorant! And they wonder why they continually lose the ratings war?” (Of Lawrence O’Donnell 3/13/11 MSNBC)

Fair enough…According to Tea Party darling, Michelle Bachmann, voters in her district are being unfairly judged by MSNBC’s Lawrence O’Donnell —judged for the color of their (white) skin instead of their collective intelligence. Ironically, this scrutiny against white voters comes from a white guy, even from a white network! It doesn’t add up… unless, perhaps there was some mistake?

Turns out, O’Donnell’s whiteguy-hating was actually a Bachmann blunder. You see, he did not say (as Bachmann suggests) that Bachmann’s district is ignorant because they are white (or black or rainbow with zebra stripes.)  

Maybe I heard wrong? My husband would agree I’m a bad listener. After eons of marriage, his voice fades into the household background like my neighbor’s talk-radio. He’s home a lot now, with a sniffly case of that ‘republicans-offshored-my-job’ bug that’s been going around lately. We gotta get a pill for that. A little blue pill like the one for grandma. . . 

I digress. Instead of entering exhausted from arduous kissing of bankers asses, grunting “hullo. . . food.. . . TV” when he trudges inside, like a hardworking real American, he's lost his passion for even the little luxuries he used to cherish. No Tevo on the big screen,  star stalking, drowning his workday under a gallon of beer or even paintballing hobos. No, he wants to read (news, not gossip) and (even worse) discuss current events. "Shhhh. . . Honey. This liberal whats-his-name is about to git hit by the Tea Party train! Quick, Fox is saying she just might slap some constitution into him!" 

He wanders in, turns off the TV, and points to the window. "It's a nice day for a hike."

I flip the remote, muttering under my breath, "Great. . . now you're a tree-hugging . . ." I trail off and flip back to MSNBC. 

Did I miss it? For a moment it seemed like Bachmann was wrong? That can’t be right; Ms. ‘I home taught my kids cause I’m smarter than school’ couldn’t have missed the main idea, right?

Let’s double check the sound reel. Follow along if you like…
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