I want Utah to adopt a similar “Stand Your Ground” law, like Florida. Utah has a notorious plague of suspicious teenagers roaming the streets and parks, and it’s high time the rest of us non-teens take a hard stand, like Zimmerman. Look, most or all teenagers are obnoxious mini-criminals. It’s time we took our loiter-able spaces back. No more can they smoke weed while tagging parking garages. No more illegal Miley Cyrus and One Republic downloads. No more noise pollution and gum wrapper littering. We’re grown-ups for crying out loud! There’s no reason we shouldn’t be allowed to defend our communities from these hoodie-wearing mini-thugs…
What constitutes ‘suspicious’ criminal activity? I’ve compiled a list of suspicious attire and behavior that should warrant brutal force:
1. Glazed eyes and acne while wearing marijuana t-shirts or accessories.
2. Hemp clothes, necklaces and backpacks.
3. Loitering (especially while skateboarding)
4. Owning an I-anything without probable cause.
5. Resembling Lady Gaga, Paris Hilton or Justin Beiber.
6. Being gay or ethnic in a conservative neighborhood.
7. Wearing skinny-jeans.
8. Wearing baggy jeans.
9. Buying stuff with cash.
10. Buying stuff with credit or debit cards.
12. Giving money to panhandlers.
13. Skateboarding and other not-really-a-sport sports.
14. Joining a liberal “movement”… (code for: illicit drug use)
15. Playing rap music.
16. Playing industrial music.
17. Listening to Reggae music.
18. Playing Mariachi music.
19. Listening to, downloading and/or playing music of any kind.
20. Being between the ages of 15-21 in public.
21. Public menace (see #20).
22. Acting like morons in public.
The larger point is: teens are guilty in almost every scenario. In any given situation, they are (at best) merely creating a public inconvenience. I think if we all banded together on this, we could get rid of these suspicious characters while motivating the rest of us to think about the way we look and the message it sends. If I weigh 150 lbs, I’ll be a lot less likely to jaunt down to Walmart wearing spandex and a tube top… it’s about courtesy, after all. Stand your ground, Utah!
But we could really apply this logic anywhere and to anyone. Who’s to say the Muslim in your neighborhood is not a terrorist, or that the guy with ripped jeans and dirty clothes isn’t about to burglarize your affluent suberb… What’s a Mexican guy doing in this white neighborhood? Gun owners get to hide behind the law while playing judge, jury and executioner. The travesty here is not that a kid was murdered… Though unfortunate, kids get killed every day. The tragedy is that the killer can hide behind a vague law and take the moral high ground under the guise, “protecting my neighborhood.” The police know the score… unarmed adult follows, confronts and kills an unarmed minor. That the youth was black matters, but not in the larger picture… Where do my rights to exist clash with your right to shoot? Is my seeming “suspicious” enough to warrant deadly force? If we say yes, Zimmerman can shoot, we transfer responsibility of judgment to the vigilantes. It’s the witch-hunt of the new millennium.