Move over Global Warming (if you exist); there’s a new threat in town. According to internet whisperings and several news outlets, Zombies have taken over Miami. Maybe we’re ahead of ourselves; only one actual (albeit unconfirmed) Zombie has been spotted; it had been 31 year old Rudy Eugine, before becoming a zombie. Even so, Zombie aficionados often compare Zombies to bedbugs; for every Zombie you spot, a hundred lurk undetected.
Police in Miami responded to an assault in broad daylight to find a naked man eating the face another man later identified as 65 year old Ronald Poppo. According to reports, when police ordered the Zombie away from the victim; it stared briefly at officers, snarled and then continued devouring the victims face. Even as officers shot the Zombie, he remained unaware and continued his meal until dead.
Police in Miami responded to an assault in broad daylight to find a naked man eating the face another man later identified as 65 year old Ronald Poppo. According to reports, when police ordered the Zombie away from the victim; it stared briefly at officers, snarled and then continued devouring the victims face. Even as officers shot the Zombie, he remained unaware and continued his meal until dead.
Poppo has survived so far, but remains in critical condition at Jackson Memorial Hospital.
No reports have emerged confirming or denying the possible zombie infection by others; and there’s still no answer as to how quickly this zombie virus (if it is a virus) can be expected to spread. No one has confirmed whether it has already spread. Luckily, a few years ago, students at University of Florida developed a disaster preparedness plan that could reduce the impact or slow the disaster.
Police, meanwhile, deny the cannibal killer was, in fact, a zombie or infected with any zombie virus. They have asserted that the Zombie was suffering from drug induced violence, possibly while using cocaine, bath salts or LSD. Toxicology reports have not confirmed any drug use.
Phone calls to local morgues have not turned up any confirmation at this time, however Rudy Eugine was purportedly *admitted to one of Miami’s morgues following symptoms of death and/or dying to include: not breathing for long durations, no pulse, cease of neurological activity. * Funeral plans may have been slowed when the body was reported as missing.
At this time, authorities deny the existence of a Zombie attack or impending apocalypse, though we’ve heard similar denials when news of Climate Change broke, too. They say there’s no need to panic; this is historically the exact right time to begin panicking, stocking up on zombie fighting supplies and/or reinforcing doors and windows. A lot of Zombie fighting techniques exist, including hiding, chainsaws, and guns. Isolated islands may also be a good zombie fighting option, unless of course Climate Change decides to attack simultaneously.
It’s hard to say who win win the race to the apocalypse. Global Warming certainly has a head start; not to discount the possible fast spread of a Zombie Virus. Some Zombie experts think the virus could spread dangerously within a month; others predict 2-3 years, giving us time to combat the virus through quarantine. And though originally scientists said we had until 2020-2050 to change drastically enough to combat the Global Warming apocalypse, it is now thought that those figures were off; we can expect the GW apocalypse before 2015. Either scenario, we’re screwed…
* Unconfirmed and/or made up
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No reports have emerged confirming or denying the possible zombie infection by others; and there’s still no answer as to how quickly this zombie virus (if it is a virus) can be expected to spread. No one has confirmed whether it has already spread. Luckily, a few years ago, students at University of Florida developed a disaster preparedness plan that could reduce the impact or slow the disaster.
Police, meanwhile, deny the cannibal killer was, in fact, a zombie or infected with any zombie virus. They have asserted that the Zombie was suffering from drug induced violence, possibly while using cocaine, bath salts or LSD. Toxicology reports have not confirmed any drug use.
Phone calls to local morgues have not turned up any confirmation at this time, however Rudy Eugine was purportedly *admitted to one of Miami’s morgues following symptoms of death and/or dying to include: not breathing for long durations, no pulse, cease of neurological activity. * Funeral plans may have been slowed when the body was reported as missing.
At this time, authorities deny the existence of a Zombie attack or impending apocalypse, though we’ve heard similar denials when news of Climate Change broke, too. They say there’s no need to panic; this is historically the exact right time to begin panicking, stocking up on zombie fighting supplies and/or reinforcing doors and windows. A lot of Zombie fighting techniques exist, including hiding, chainsaws, and guns. Isolated islands may also be a good zombie fighting option, unless of course Climate Change decides to attack simultaneously.
It’s hard to say who win win the race to the apocalypse. Global Warming certainly has a head start; not to discount the possible fast spread of a Zombie Virus. Some Zombie experts think the virus could spread dangerously within a month; others predict 2-3 years, giving us time to combat the virus through quarantine. And though originally scientists said we had until 2020-2050 to change drastically enough to combat the Global Warming apocalypse, it is now thought that those figures were off; we can expect the GW apocalypse before 2015. Either scenario, we’re screwed…
* Unconfirmed and/or made up
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