Mitt Romney might go down in history for being the next George Bush when it comes to gaffes. The disconnect is just so wide and it's sooooo painstakingly obvious he has no clue what life is like for the working class.
Latino voters will be extremely important to the upcoming presidential election. During the Primaries, Republican candidate, Mitt Romneywas forced to take a hard stand against illegal immigration, a strategy that may have helped him at the time. Now facing the prospect of the General Election, however, Romney must mend his relationship with Latino voters in order to have a shot at winning.
Portions/all of this breaking news report may be greatly exaggerated/completely made up...
After a long wait, it seems Republican Presidential candidate, Mitt Romney has chosen a running mate. Though he has not officially released the name of our future VP, our insiders at crazypoliticos.com have been able to combine forces with Fox News' Rupert Murdoch to hack Mitt Romney's dreadfully boring email and announce Romney's new running mate... Once we learned who Romney had chosen, we had that, "Aha, of course," moment; it was so obvious... Crazypoliticos.com also wants to thank Comedy Centtral's Jon Stewart for compiling some political highlights from our next Sarah Palin.
Remember, you heard it first on crazypoliticos.
***Disclaimer: Portions of this breaking news report may be exaggerated/completely made up***
Presidential Candidate, Mitt Romney delivered compelling arguments and proofs against the Global Warming fraud/myth just prior to collapsing. The cause: Global Warming. Unfortunately, the proofs Romney presented against Global Warming did compellingly prove Global Warming is a myth, Romney’s insurance company declined payment for the subsequent hospital bill, stating, “Our coverage does not cover mythical or fraudulent events. Since we now know that Global Warming is a fraudulent myth, it could not have caused the heat wave that caused Romney’s collapse… The heat, too, must be considered false. The patient, was unlikely to be suffering from heatstroke or heat related conditions; therefore it is considered an act of god or preexisting condition. We don’t cover any of those: fraud, myths, preexisting conditions or God.”
I believe a candidate can and should change positions. Sometimes new information conflicts with previously held beliefs. Sometimes, you just realize you were wrong. In Mitt Romney's case, it just depends who he's talking to and why...
He's not always been completely off. Sometimes, he's dead center, sometimes a little left, sometimes far right. The risk is, Americans just don't know which set of Romney beliefs they're getting behind... unless the goal is "anyone but Obama," in which case, I'd like to announce my candidacy.
Let me be clear; I'm not running as much for President as for the large lifetime presidential salary. Looking at my IQ and credentials alone, I'm much more qualified than a certain former monkey ~ahem~ I mean president. Vote Summer DiVIno 2012!!!!
Image stolen from 19th Ward Politics blog...
Click photo to visit their blog.
" I believe what I said. I believe what I believe I said and I was for it before I was against it but now I'm for it again. I believe what we believe is closely related to what we believe but I'm not sure I believe that's true. Certainly, we need more jobs and that's why I've worked diligently to fire people. When you fire people you create a good sized pool of applicants and this allows us to create jobs. If you can't find a job it's only because you haven't been fired enough. I should run for President...I rock!"
"Jack! Jack! Let me just say before you go comparing me to Mitt, it is totally unfair to say that I strapped my dog to the top of my car. What I really did was strap my car to the bottom of my dog!"
Q. What is the Wisconsin recall about?
A. When the FDA, FCC, FDR or ABC finds deadly bacteria like e-coli or salmonella inside a legislative container, the product or products must be removed from store shelves and from serving in office until someone fixes the bacteria, often by cooking at high temperatures.
Q. How does a recall election start?
A. When someone doesn’t like the government after a year of that government being in charge, someone can file a petition to recall them. If enough dead people sign the petition without being caught and shot for being zombies, the state holds a new election.
New information confirms Mitt Romney was not U.S. born; crazypoliticos.com announces presidential bid
It’s official, and Crazypoliticos.com predicted it first(ish). Mitt Romney got the official Republican nomination this week after battling head-to-head campaigning against, well… I guess no one. Now, if he can only get Obama to drop out, Romney will have smooth sailing all the way to the White House.
Luckily, helper buddy and former candidate Donald Trump has some brand new juicy dirt on Obama. As it turns out, Obama’s (still) not a citizen… I know what you’re thinking; ‘that’s not brand new or juicy!’ Wait though, there’s more. It turns out the State of Hawaii has been issuing fake birth certificates in order to help potential future non-citizen presidential hopefuls fake their way into the White House. It’s a conspiracy 50 years in the making, but we’re on to you now, Hawaii. Us real states, that is.
Wildly enough, though, it turns out Romney’s not a citizen though either. Yup, that’s right! Although the Romney camp has long insisted Mitt was born in Michigan (a U.S. state) crazypoliticos.com investigators have uncovered the long-hidden Romney birther conspiracy. After days of tough investigation, we now have concrete proof, Mitt Romney was actually born in the state of Infancy (NOT A U.S. STATE,) and therefore not a citizen.
In light of this new information, it would seem that both parties are back to square one. With no viable candidate, crazypoliticos.com has (after long deliberation) decided to rise to the occasion. We know the predicament the country might face without viable candidates, and we feel the time has come to rush to our Lady Liberty’s aid. Therefore, we will be dividing our staff into 2 teams, each prepared to become the face of one of the parties. Summer has agreed to run VP for both sides, while Gerald and I will draw straws later this week to choose sides. We expect to announce our respective sides shortly after the ensuing fistfight which Summer will referee, record and sell to HBO for campaign purposes.
No need to thank us, America… Your vote is thanks enough.
Romney or Santorum 2012 Motto; Destroy the planet but at least we have prayer back in Public Schools!
Maybe a Romney/ Santorum election won't mean the end of the world... or even the end of the America we know and love. As advanced as the ancient Mayans were, they probably didn't expect the rise of idiocracy to end life as we know it in 2012.
More likely, Ancient civilizations anticipated the world to end by some epic display of When-Nature-Attacks; a super volcano, lightening storm (maybe), Giant glaciers rupturing and causing colossal tidal waves... nothing that could actually happen, of course. I can picture the Fox News clip in 2013: Romney patting his forehead with a handkerchief, looking keenly into the camera, "Just because it's 62 degrees average in February, does NOT mean we need another Global Warming debate! We're having a warm year... it happens."
On the bright side, even though we may have to relocate to emergency shelters in Antarctica, poverty will be synonymous with conscription camps, and WalMart will have purchased land formerly known as the Americas, at least Romney/ Santorum will have vanquished the Real Problems plaguing America today: Homosexuality, Government Paternalism smacking down the invisible hand, High Taxes and Obamacare!
Ah 2013... we might have to fight polar bears for a scrap of kale, but at least we no longer live under an Obama/ Marxist socialist agenda, where birth control candy bars are passed out to school children and Big Government can teach your children science????!!!!!!!!!!!