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It's My Party And I'll Cry If I Want To: How Alan and Suzanne Osmond Miss the Point on Marriage Equality
posted 4/2/2013 by CrazyPoliticos on Salt Lake Sinner republished 4/3/2013 here.

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Imagine if you will, that someone threw a huge gala and celebration with entertainment and speakers, including the Governor, and no one came. I know, right? But this is “almost” what happened to Suzanne and Alan Osmond, who hosted the Celebration of Marriage Rally at the Utah State Capitol last Tuesday evening (March 26, 2013). Governor Gary R. Herbert spoke, the Osmond grandchildren performed and there were even party favors. To wit: a Certificate of Marriage which stated: "Marriage is the union of a man and woman whose marital privileges are based upon their commitment to protect and nurture the children that may be created as a part of their union,” which could then be signed by attendees.  (One wonders if these "privileges" extend to heterosexual couples who are infertile.)


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Crazypoliticos.com has learned from undisclosed sources within the FBI that the White House sent an “Obama Doomsday Zombie Clone” prototype to debate Mitt Romney in the place of President Barrack Obama to Wednesday night's first Presidential Debate. An unidentified female FBI Agent assigned from the FBI's field office in Salt Lake City to protect Ann Romney's Olympic dressage horse and subsequently reassigned back to the FBI's Salt Lake Field office after a reported altercation between the Agent and Mrs. Romney during that assignment told CP an over confident White House sent the Obama Zombie Clone in place of the President for “shits and giggles” but had no idea that former Governor Romney would prevail in his debate against the clone. “They are basically in shock over there, right now” the unidentified female agent disclosed. 

Click here to read entire story...


Summer DiVino and Ann Romney Meet in the Field of Dreams
Gerald Long
9/29/2012
Salt Lake City, Utah

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It's late afternoon and I'm sitting at a park bench in a small park near Memory Grove. A cool breeze flows over me, and it is a gorgeous late September day in Salt Lake City. I gaze hypnotically at the crowds milling in and out at the part of City Creek Mall's large open plaza that finally merges with Temple Square while listening to vintage Floyd through humongous headphones and puffing away on a pinner, when, suddenly, I know she is here. A shiver inducing chill cuts through the pleasant cool breeze like an iceberg through the Titanic and the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.

 
Clear here to read the rest of the story...


My V is for Vendetta Letter to the Anonymous Hero Who Leaked the 47% Recording from Romney's Boca Raton Fundraiser
(Adapted from Valery's Letter from V is for Vendetta)



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You are the prayer
I tell you what
You gotta take it back from them
Because the prayers belong to you
All you gotta do is say hey hey
I'm down here too, I'm down here too
I'm down here too...
Ricki Lee Jones, "Where I Like It Best"


I don't know who you are. There is no way I can ever meet you to shake your hand. I don't care. I am Gerald Long.  I don't know who you are but I thank you. I have a website http://www.crazypoliticos.com, a small one that doesn't get much traffic, one that they don't pay attention too. I started this website after I got on Social Security disability and I am writing it on the walls of my heart.

I was born in Cleveland, Ohio in 1957 with severe birth defects. After a year, I recovered enough for my family to move and we relocated to Columbus, Ohio....


click here to read the entire blog...



From the Editor: Confessions of An Angry Liberal:  Why I Sometimes Want Romney and Ryan and the Teabaggers to Win the Elections

Gerald Long
9/24/2012 1:54am

Am I the only one who feels intermittent urges to vote for Ryan and Mitt just to punish the redneck assholes he's talking about in his 47% screed?  Let me explain: I have a conservative friend who's on disability for depression and that whole fibromyalgia thing. Let's call him "Sleepy Jed" (obviously, not a real name)  Sleepy, like me, is a Social Security Disability Recipient and has been since his early to mid thirties.   I was awarded Social Security Disability about 8 years ago when I was 47.  Sleepy is a year younger than I am.  I had struggled my entire life with complete fecal incontinence and other more serious and life threatening GI symptoms, including frequent abdominal obstructions, before being forced out of the workplace by my condition.  I additionally required cervical and lumbar spine surgeries which I have successfully undergone while on Social Security and Medicare and Medicaid.  


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GOP candidates have been distancing themselves from conservative presidential candidate, Mitt Romney following a disastrous month for the candidate. First, Romney got outshined at the Republican Convention by Clint Eastwood’s rant at an empty chair. Next, Romney broke his “no campaign on 9-11” promise by criticizing President Obama’s statements about a tragic attack on the American Embassy in Libya… only before Obama had made any. Just as the Romney/Ryan camp began recovering, videos emerged of Romney dismissing half the country and suggesting he’d do better in the race if he was Latino. ~Slap forehead with palm of hand.~ With the latest gaffe, conservatives have been racing to jump off the Romney ship. 


Read entire blog...

Mitt Romney Visits Utah for a Day of Fundraising

Posted by Michelle Carfaro Stiner 
9/22/2012

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Mitt Romney was in Utah for a fundraising day. The presidential candidate touched down Tuesday morning in his final scheduled visit to Utah before the elections. In his final scheduled visit to Utah before the November elections, he managed to make away with around $2 million before dashing back to the campaign trail. 

Read the entire post...


Summer Divino, Mitt Romney and the God Particle Re-write History

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"What the fu...." Suddenly I'm wide awake. The amber lit digital display on my clock radio reads "3:02 AM" Summer is standing above me yelling "Wake up Gerald! For God's sake!"

"Jesus, Summer, alright I'm awake. Stop yelling you'll wake up the neighbors, I'll get evicted." I'm even more wake now. "How did you get in here?" I ask.

"With this nifty little bogus warrant." She replies. But she is not her perky self. She is anxious. I can tell she is worried....about something.

"Summer it's 3AM for crying out loud. What do you want?"

"Mitt has it!"
 
"Has what Summer, c'mon I'm tired can't we talk about it tomorrow?"
 
He has the gun Gerald!
 
What?
 
She is pensive and yet sharply focused now. "He has the prototype. He has the Skunk Works Multiverse Gun! Do you have any idea what he can do with it?? What he's done?"....

Click here for entire story...

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Let Them Eat Crank! (Hey 7-Eleven, Inc. Apples and Bananas Not Slurpees!!!)
Gerald Long
5/26/12 SLC, UT

It's a small thing, (only 7.11 ounces) but small things add up to big things, like big people for example. To be fair 7-Eleven, Inc. created “SlurpFree” day to debut its new Slurpee Lite™ Fanta Sugar-Free Mango flavor drinks which will provide its customer base with a healthier alternative to its line of sugar based frozen drinks. 
From this blogger's viewpoint however, 7-Eleven can and should do better. Let's look at the big picture...
Click here for entire article
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*BREAKING NEWS* *BREAKING NEWS* *BREAKING NEWS*    
CP EDITOR CALLS FOR GENERAL STRIKE
Saturday, February 25, 2012 10:47AM


In response to an online Facebook Posting about a banker who left a 1% tip on a $133 Lunch Bill and Wrote "Get a Real Job" on the Receipt to the Waitress, CP General Manager and Senior Editor, Gerald Long, called for a General Strike.  Attempts to reach other CP Editors and Staff were unsuccessful. When pressed to clarify whether or not he is calling for a General Strike, Long replied:  “Are you saying this on your own initiative, or have others said it to you about me?”  Asked if he feared being put on a list or being arrested Long stated:  “My kingdom is not from this world. If my kingdom were from this world, my comrads would fight to prevent me being handed over to the authorities."  More details to follow... or not; it depends. I might get a 'real job' instead... would I be a good waitress? 
February 4, 2012 -Video from Occupy Provo March (Provo, UTAH)

Not Raising the Debt Ceiling is Bad For Men:  Rise of the Feministas 

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-07/29/11 by Gerald Long
Boehnor and Norquist don't have the balls to allow the economy to tank, not if they have any sense left. Not even they can stomach crowds running through torn apart newly built malls and smashed windows like wild baboons who've stumbled upon Lindsay Lohan's stash. Once the Chinese start using US Government backed bonds for toilet paper there will be no place for the Republican leadership to hide. They'll be rats trapped on the Titanic.
Read more...

For better or worse- Bring it on, Galitans opposing social health care. (My rant against the RON PAUL ideals) 

12/30/11 4:08PM Salt Lake City by Gerald Long

Try to see it from my perspective. I was born in 1957 (the same year Ayn Rand published "Atlas Shrugged") in Cleveland, Ohio fortunately enough, I guess, with VACTERL Association, including anal atresia, some minor renal anomalies and a spine that looks really cool on MRI's and x-rays. In my humble opinion it looks much worse than it is. Don't get me wrong, I've had cervical and lumbar surgery but *blush*, I actually don't have much back pain at all. I mean the cervical spine surgery wasn't even my idea. I went in complaining of a little tingling in my shoulder thinking it was nothing. Instead my PA, a damn fine one at that, completely freaked out and told me how to hook up with the neurosurgeons up at the U (University of Utah Medical Center). This was around 2005.  Those guys wanted MRI's and more documentation, which were contributed, by the way, by IHC. The MRIs revealed severe central canal stenosis in my cervical spine and a bunch of other stuff. Those fun guys in neurosurgery said I was at risk for literally, tripping and falling and dying, or even worse, being paralyzed from the neck down. I think one neurosurgery resident told me if he was me, he wouldn't ride in a motor vehicle smaller than a bus. In fact it is hilariously written down in my medical notes as a kind of disclaimer from one of the neurosurgery residents that says in essence "we told this dumbass...” after I told him I was still riding my bike. Yeah like that...
read more...

Natalie, who blogcasts from Australia Kicks Ass!  Check her out at Natalie's Youtube Community Channel

Great hilarious comment about dumb ass racists 

***Disclaimer***


12/26/12 10:47PM EST: Crazypolticos.com reporter admits he "got it wrong" on certain details in CP Endorsement Story regarding Ron Paul and "the crazy lady".  Crazypolitcos.com editor, Gerald Long, is quoted as saying "we're not entirely sure anyone on our staff attempted to contact the Ron Paul Campaign or that any threats regarding arrests were ever made by the Paul Presidential Campaign or Secret Service. All I can add at this moment is that CP plans to completely ignore Ron Paul's Presidential Campaign and we're not going to mention it anywhere on our website at anytime.  As for the Crazy lady I'm not sure we're willing to stand behind our statement that we were threatened by them with a restraining order.  We're looking into this more and we'll get back to you as more facts come to light."

"12/26/12 10:34PM EST: This just in:  Crazypoliticos.com completely ignores Ron Paul's bid for the Republican Presidential Nomination in the 2012 Presidential Election!  Editors vow no mention of Ron Paul's Presidential Campaign  will appear anywhere on CP's Website!  Compares ethical standards of Crazypoliticos.com to those of the Murdoch Publishing Empire...
Read more...

CP Endorses the Two Mormons for the Republican Presidential Nomination - Predicts the White Asshole Will Win and Totally Ignores Ron Paul

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Copyright Crazypoliticos.com 2011
12/26/11 10:30PM 

The Republicans find themselves in a tough bind in their effort to find a suitable opponent for President Barrack Obama in the Presidential Election.  Now that they have ditched the African American, Herman Cain, for sexual indiscretions and replaced him with a white, consensus All American Asshole who has a few sexual skeletons of his own rattling around in his checkered past, well, putting it bluntly, for all intents and purposes, its down to the two Mormons, the crazy lady, the white asshole guy and Ron Paul.  (The two Ricks have no chance.)  One of the two Mormons is Utah's former Governor who ditched Utah's poor and elderly to accept an Ambassorship with China, leaving us to the tender mercies of our current rabidly right wing Governor Gary R. Herbert.  The other Mormon is a real slick talker who ran the 2002 Winter Olympics in our home town of Salt Lake City.  You can see where we are going with this.  The editorial staff at Crazypoliticos gives the nod to the hometown crowd and endorses the two Mormons to be the Republican nominees for President and Vice President.  (We don't really care in which order or "who's on top").
Read More... 
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When I close my eyes and, you know...Christine O'Donnell sort of looks like this

Wisconsin Republicans run/lose in Democratic primary

-Michelle Stiner
July 15, 2011

* * * Only exaggerated a little, actually * * *
As Wisconsin swarms with debate about local unions, Republicans and Democrats are in the usual position- at each others’ throats. That is, until 6 ultra-conservatives abruptly switched sides. No, I don’t mean they changed their minds on any issues; they’d be considered flip-floppers. They ran for office in the Democratic primaries, paid some out-of-work union guys to chant their names (without throwing eggs or fruit) and hid next to some lesbians. In a strange twist of fate, a nearby bus of 6 year-olds foiled their disguises. One boy pointed at fake Democrat, Issac Weix, exclaiming, “Isn’t that the man who tried to close our school?!”All the kids began clapping and cheering.
Read More. . . 

Chronicles of Summer DiVino

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In the coming months we will be putting together a dedicated staff of writers, researchers, editors and web designers to develop this site.

Until then email us at crazypoliticos@gmail.com

We're looking for experienced writers and programmers to join our team. If you have killer programming skills or fantastic writing abilities coupled with a robust sense of humor, and want to get in on the ground floor of a new Zine and website, contact us at the above email address. Only you can prevent crazy politicos from running the asylum!
Contact us!

Summer's Version

-Summer DiVino
5/10/11

Eyes glued to news outlets around the world as details unfolded about Osama Bin Laden’s death. Channels doled out tasty details like morsels of candy one tiny bite at a time. First, he may have died. Next, he was certainly dead, followed by news of his bullet-riddled body. On and on the details unfolded. Unfortunately, the newsguys got the story all wrong.
Read the full story here.

BP, over-regulation and my mom


-Gerald Long
If only we had today's Conservatives around back in 1968 when I was 10 or 11, I’m certain I would have had a much different childhood.  The problem, of course, was my mother.  She regulated everything.  She stifled the spirit of free enterprise that I needed to thrive.                          
Read more. . .

A casual refutation of the Conservative thesis that mandatory affordable health care plans are an infringement on individual liberty 

-7/10/2012 Gerald Long
The conservative hysteria against Obamacare is based on a gigantic lie. No one is forcing anyone to buy health insurance. What we are asking is for people to pay for the insurance they already have. Let's be real; if you have an accident or heart attack and make it to the ER, they will dispense expensive medical treatment to save your life regardless of whether you can pay for those emergency services or not. We don't allow people to die in this country from acute injuries if we can help it.   
Read More...

New shooter arrested in 'Stand Your Ground' murder

-6/29/2012 Michelle Stiner
New shooter arrested after shooting a schoolteacher at a birthday party. Crazypoliticos.com clarifies Stand Your Ground.
Read the story here...

Mitt Romney debunks Global Warming/ collapses from heat stroke

-6/28/2012 M. Stiner
Mitt Romney collapses from heatstroke during an anti-climate change rally/speech...

Meanwhile, Arizona Governor, Jan Brewer, announces Presidential Order to push new anti-environment law, despite having no presidential authority. 
Read the two stories here...

Fox News misreports on Obamacare ruling and the Fox/CP Merger

-6/28/2012 Summer DiVino
Fox News reports Supreme Court ruling as right-wing victory... turns out the report was wishful thinking. Crazypoliticos.com proposes merger. 
Here's why/Read more...

Mitt Romney misquoted on jobs

Mitt Romney speaks out on unemployment... or does he? 
You decide...

Quotes from the war on women

-6/20/2012 Gerald Long 
The war against women rages on. Read one congressman's enlightened take on rape prevention. 

    -We apologize for hacking you, Mitt, but your email is way too boring... it's time for an intervention.


      -May 29, 2012 M. Stiner 
    Possible zombie attack in Miami, FL leads to speculation that a zombie apocalypse could beat Climate Change as the 2012 doomsday threat.



-Gerald Long May 9, 2012 3:13PM 
KSL News is reporting an accidental rooftop fire at City Creek's Nordstrom  today, but have they reported the whole story?


Jan Brewer - I'll Show You Mine if You Show Me Yours                   
February 3, 2012 11:51PM

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from Wikipedia








Jan Brewer. Jan Brewer. Jan Brewer. What to say about Jan Brewer?. I feel like I'm back at my Aunt Mary Elizabeth's and Uncle John's farm in Kentucky throwing snow balls at the side of their big red barn. It's so large  it overwhelms me and stymies my enthusiasm for the activity. Aunt Elizabeth's dogs run through the snow chasing down my snowballs, which fall short. I get closer to the barn. Where to start throwing? 
Read rest of story here...

Stuff CP Got Right in 2011:

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Sarah Palin and Rupert Murdoch: How Sarah Palin forgot to resign from Fox News after the NOTW scandal
-July 11, 2011 by Gerald Long
While it's anybody's guess as to whether or not Sarah Palin will announce as a Presidential Candidate, I predict that she will decide NOT to run for President. 
Read the entire story...
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Transform Medicare; The bold approach to killing Grandma!
-Jillian Barclay

Glenn Beck

-Gerald Long
If you know anything about Glenn Beck you're probably criticizing my choice of quote in favor of much better stuff. But I use this particular quote to illustrate the point that if I told the shrink who writes my 450mg's of sustained release Wellbutrin scripts every three months that I wanted to kill Glenn Beck, or hire someone to do it . . Read more. . .

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She couldn't possibly be trying to menacingly discredit her critics, could she? That's the trouble with politics; you cannot tell the villains from the braindead minions. . .
"I find it interesting that it was back in the 1970's that the swine flu broke out then under another democratic president Jimmy Carter. And I'm not blaming this on President Obama, I just think it's an interesting coincidence." 
-Michele Bachmann 4/27/10. 

Note:The Swine Flu occurred in 1976 under President Gerald Ford 
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Forget Immigrants; Deport Teens

-Summer DiVino
In contrast with groups lamenting the problem of undocumented immigration, some (nameless) columnists have suggested a new and possibly better proposal: deport teenagers. 
Read more. . .